One of the lessons I appreciate learning from Charlotte Mason is the concept of mother culture.
As a mom of five children at one point (we foster and adopt, so our family total changes every so often), I was overwhelmed by all the responsibility. As mothers, we tend to want to serve everyone else around us, and we may hesitate to take care of our own needs. At least, I strugged with it.
Thankfully, an older and wiser woman repeatedly reminded me to do self-care—what I believe is the modern-day equivalent of the term “mother culture.” And I must say it helped keep me sane throughout that difficult time! Since then, I’ve become more intentional at setting aside time when I can feed my soul, and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
So what is “Mother Culture”?
Although we can’t find the term in any of CM’s own writings, it’s a concept that she strongly espouses.Eventually, the term was coined by the Parents National Educational Union (PNEU), the group of parents who gathered together to learn more about her philosophy.
In Volume III, No. 2 The Parents’ Review, a regular publication that the Parents National Education Union set up to publish thoughts on her philosophy, we read:
“There is no sadder sight in life than a mother, who has so used herself up in her children’s childhood, that she has nothing to give them in their youth. When babyhood is over and school begins, how often children take to proving that their mother is wrong. Do you as often see a child proving to its father that he is wrong? I think not. For the father is growing far more often than the mother. He is gaining experience year by year, but she is standing still. Then, when her children come to that most difficult time between childhood and full development she is nonplussed; and, though she may do much for her children, she cannot do all she might, if she, as they, were growing!
Isn’t that a common occurrence for us as mothers, beginning from our first baby’s incessant demand for attention, all the way to toddlerhood and onwards—and not counting the siblings that come to start the process all over again!
The Parents’ Review article goes on to say:
Is there not some need for ‘mother culture’? But how is the state of things to be altered? So many mothers say, ‘I simply have no time for myself!’ ‘I never read a book!’ Or else, ‘I don’t think it is right to think of myself!’ They not only starve their minds, but they do it deliberately, and with a sense of self-sacrifice which seems to supply ample justification.
Mother must have time to herself. And we must not say ‘I cannot.’ Can any of us say till we have tried, not for one week, but for one whole year, day after day, that we ‘cannot’ get one half-hour out of the twenty-four for ‘Mother Culture?’–one half-hour in which we can read, think, or ‘remember.’
The habit of reading is so easily lost; not so much, perhaps, the power of enjoying books as the actual power of reading at all. It is incredible how, after not being able to use the eyes for a time, the habit of reading fast has to be painfully regained…
What does Mother Culture look like?
From the text above, it simply encourages us to find ways to keep growing as an individual. I always like to expand it saying, “Children are born persons, but mothers also are individual persons, with the needs and wants of an individual person.”
Mother culture can look like different things to different people. Try to think of things that you love doing, activities that refresh and energize you afterwards. I add a caveat: let it be something you can do apart from the kids!
In Volume 1 of CM’s Home Education Series, we read:
“… Frequent change of thought, and the society of other people, make the mother all the fresher for her children. But they should have the best of their mother, her freshest, brightest hours…”
Clearly, we don’t use mother culture as an excuse to leave our responsibilities to our children; instead, we value its importance as a crucial time for being refreshed and energized, and then we come back in a better state of mind to deal with our kids!
Examples of Mother Culture
Take note that this is by no means an exhaustive list. Instead, I list down some suggestions just to jog your mind, and hopefully you can find one or two things here that you enjoy doing, and can easily add to your weekly schedule:
- Reading a book for leisure
- Handicraft like crochet, knitting, cross-stitch, pottery
- Going for a walk
- Having coffee with a friend
- Painting or sketching
- Playing music
- Shopping (hopefully, it won’t be too much of a strain on the budget)
- Writing a story or a journal
For me, my favorite me-time activity is going to Booksale and then sitting down somewhere to read or write in my journal.
Other times, I like crocheting or playing music.
When can I schedule mother culture this week?
Take a look at your schedule this week. Pick a time when you can do your me-time. It doesn’t have to be long or expensive. You can start with 30 minutes to an hour. The goal is simply to get it done and become intentional and consistent with it.
We will share more practical applications of the concept of Mother Culture on our blog. Sign up for our newsletter so you can stay updated when we have new posts!